For most of my life, I was told that it was conceited to give yourself props (positives). As a result, I was very critical of myself and saw the world in a negative way. I was hyper-focused on all the things that were wrong with my life: all the things I didn’t have, the way people treated me, and all the bad things in the world. I felt angry all the time with all of life’s injustices and how unfair I felt life was. Don’t get me wrong, there were many things in my life to be angry about: I was in abusive relationships or with partners who didn’t respect me, working two dead-end jobs and barely paying the bills, and on the verge of bankruptcy.
At the suggestion of my counselor a few years ago, I’ve been writing in a gratitude journal. Entries had to be things that happened in the last 24 hours, non-repeating, and specific. As a result, I’ve found that I spend a lot of my time focusing on the positives in my life, and I feel better about my life, even when it’s hard. This is not to say that I’m trying to find positives in negative situations and trying to change or like those negative things. That’s called toxic positivity. I’m talking about seeing positives in your life that are already there, despite your problems.
Focusing on the positives gives me extra bandwidth to see unusual solutions to obstacles, rather than seeing things in black and white. For example, when my intuition told me to put money in a retirement account and to give to a charity that aligned with my values.
What?? How is this going to solve my money problems? Nothing changed for me financially at first, but then I started noticing how my spending was changing. I also noticed that my attitude about money had changed. By paying myself first and giving money away, I told the Universe that I had enough. I found better-paying jobs and quit the gig work because I was spending too much time and money (mileage and gas) on jobs that were paying too little. I also found that thrifting (going to thrift and consignment stores) could get me what I needed at a fraction of the cost, and often better quality than “new” things.
What also changed the most was how I was talking to myself. I was using uplifting and positive words about myself. I like it when I can look in the mirror and honestly tell myself things that I love about myself or am grateful for. When I do this, I feel empowered, I stand up taller with my head held high.
I also started saying, “thank you” to people who complimented me, rather than disparaging myself or dismissing my sense of self. Things like: “What, this old thing?” “It’s nothing,” (even though I spent weeks or months on something), or when people commented on my weight loss, telling them how much more weight I still had to go.
I also stopped waiting for others to compliment me. I found that when I complimented myself or gave myself atta-boys for doing something well, I no longer needed compliments from others. When you don’t need approval from people, their insults and criticisms don’t hurt as much either. It doesn’t devastate me anymore. I can see if there is some validity to their point and make changes or apologize, if necessary. I can also feel the sadness, disappointment, or guilt in the moment. Then I can move on.
When we feel criticized— we shrink and feel small. When we get a compliment, we feel open and feel “sunny”. Think about children who are so proud of the ordinary things they’ve done: the “ta-da’s” in their artwork, that they went in the potty, how they dance their heart out, and how they create a masterpiece with blocks, and then bulldoze it down so they can start over to create something new. We need to be more like children and honor our inner child.
Ann Albers recently said in her blog "Visions of Heaven", “As the angels like to say, we wouldn't stand at the food buffet and obsess about the foods we don't like. We'd move on and pick the ones we do! We can do the same in this great buffet called life, I no longer "chew on" or "stomach" the things I don't like.”
I couldn’t have said it any better!
Anyone can do these things by themselves, but sometimes we like to practice with others like us. I am rerunning the Awakening Your Intuition Through the Clair At Aims in Greeley from October 16th - November 20th. I am running a Beginning Mediumship class on Saturday, November 2nd and 9th from 9-11 AM in Loveland. I will also be at the Belu Olisa Fair on September 28 & 29, 2024 from 10 am to 5 pm both days.
I would love it if you would share the things that have worked for you, being supportive of each other, and cheering each other on. Note: The comments section is at the bottom of this page.
Until Next Time,
Leanne Psychic Medium
What an uplifting message! So glad I started my week reading this blog. It's so easy to dismiss when someone gives you a compliment by focusing on what a person "still needs to do, instead of being grateful for what is there". I have heard , from several sources, how important it is to reflect on being grateful and how that radiates in all areas of our lives. Thank you, Leanne! I plan on seeing you at The Belu Olisa Fair