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  • Writer's pictureLeanne Psychic Medium

Why Do We Settle for Crumbs?

Updated: Oct 30, 2023

I have a Post-it note on my computer that says, “Never Settle for Crumbs”. I had a client who was going to upend her whole life for someone whose only goal was to get married. When I tapped into him, I realized that he didn't care who he married, only that it was time to get married. Then it occurred to me, why do I need a note on my computer that says this? Oh, yeah, it’s because I have done this so many times in the past and still do it in the present, and thus the need for the constant reminder that I deserve better.

Settling for crumbs happens in all types of relationships. It really rears its ugly head in romantic ones. We want our partner to spend 3-4 days a week with us but we settle for 12 hours; we put up with our partner screaming obscenities at us or speaking to us in a condescending tone; we wait by the phone that never rings or doesn’t ring enough; we live with someone who wants to spend more time at the office/the bar/being overly consumed with the children/watching porn/being on their phone endlessly scrolling rather than being with us; we date people who break up with us on a weekend so they can date other people “in the clear” to date someone else and get back together with us when it doesn’t work out; we move across the world to be with them and then break up with us a few weeks after we get there; when we ask for more communication, they pull away, ghost us, or tell us we are being too controlling, dramatic or needy; we go over all of our interactions great and small in our heads 50, 100, 1000 times to extrapolate meaning from something that might have meant nothing at all; we date married people; we have expectations that NO ONE on the planet could meet; and one of the biggest things we do is we see huge red flags and we explain them away and give second, third, and fiftieth chances, when we should have left them immediately. Does any of this sound familiar? If so, you’re NOT alone. I have done most of these things myself.

We hold onto these dead-end relationships because we believe that deep down inside, we’re not enough: we’re not lovable enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, successful enough, rich enough, young enough, educated enough, well enough, or perfect enough to deserve someone uplifting, loving, supportive, and respectful.

Sometimes we settle because we believe all of the good ones are taken. There are 335,158,516 people in the United States. I’m sure we can find one good one with those kinds of odds. When I’m in the middle of one of these “I’m not enough scenarios,” I’m not looking at it like that. If I can’t get this guy who is a 3, why would a guy who’s a 7 want me? It never occurred to me that it’s because 3s only belong with 3s and 7s only belong with 7s, not that if I settle, at least they’ll love me a fraction as much.

I have noticed two types of fear that keep me stuck. The fear of not being good enough and not being liked or respected. I heard Jessica Ortner (Co-founder of the Tapping Solution) say, “Maybe the rejection was a redirection to something better.” When I look back on my life, I have found that’s exactly what happened, and wonder why I stayed in a bad situation for so long trying to make something work that never had a chance. What's worse is that I knew it, even at the time. It was that little niggle in the back of my brain that kept reminding me (remember those red flags I was talking about earlier) that it was time to go.

It’s hard to be a human on planet Earth. As a society, we are constantly told that we aren’t good enough, (ever noticed how bad you feel about yourself after reading a fashion magazine or being on social media looking at other people’s supposedly perfect lives and comparing yourself to them?). No one ever benefits from you playing small or for putting up with bad behavior. When you start setting boundaries and dropping negative people from your life, you may get pushback from those you love. It may feel like your world as you know it is going to end (and that might not be a bad thing). Push through it anyway. Find a supportive friend, or a spiritual leader, or get into counseling to get the support or the skills you need to make the changes you are longing for in your life. This is your time to shine, so own it. You will thank yourself later for having the courage to stop settling for crumbs.

I would love it if you would share your comments and experiences below with others about things that have worked for you, be supportive of others who are brave enough to share their personal experiences and cheer each other on.

If you are interested in learning more about the Clairs, I will be running a Clairs Class at AIMS on Wednesdays from 5:30 to 7:00 on the Loveland Campus from January 24th - to February 28th and on the Greeley Campus from April 3rd - to May 8th, 2023.

Until next time…

Leanne Psychic Medium

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