Suicide and Its Unintended Consequences*

A couple of weeks ago, my landlord asked about my next-door neighbor. A few days later, the police asked me tons of questions about that neighbor. I got the sinking feeling that something was terribly wrong. Turns out I was right. My neighbor had shot and killed himself. My landlord found him. He’d been dead for four days. Even though I didn’t know him very well, I felt so overwhelmed, shocked, and saddened, that I called off work the next day, something I rarely do.

I was stunned by the strength of my reaction. Why did this affect me so much? I barely knew him.

Then it occurred to me: This could have been me. We were around the same age, struggling to pay bills, working odd jobs to piece things together, living alone and not wanting to be, and feeling like what was the point of all this. The difference for me was I felt like I had support to weather the storms.

As a Medium, I often learn about the situations that lead to others’ deaths. Many of the clients that I’ve been getting lately are those who are asking about family and friends who died by suicide. The first thing I notice when I check in with a suicidal spirit is their reluctance to come forward when a surviving friend or relative is asking about them. They have told me that they have so much guilt and shame about what they did. They had a hard time facing it and didn’t realize how much it affected the people that they left behind. They also expressed how shocked they were about the impact of their death on those they left behind, even people who only knew them casually.

While some of the transitioned spirits made a plan to kill themselves, many didn’t. Some people choose to end their life out of spite—“If you don’t want me, then I’ll kill myself and see how you feel then.” For others, it was a straw that broke the camel's back. Still, others saw an opportunity to end it, so they did. Sometimes, what seemed like a suicide was actually an overdose, it was stronger than normal, laced with something, or was trying to quit but when they relapsed, their body wasn’t used to the old dose anymore. While I’ve never heard the same stories twice, there seem to be several common causes of suicide:

Hopeless/helpless

Planned

Revenge

Excessive physical or emotional pain

Major Loss— job, relationship, pet, home, or loved one

Mental illness (a voice told them to do it)

Impulse and,

High risk (People with a death wish… Driving too fast on a mountain road, jumping off a cliff to water 50ft below, Russian Roulette, drinking games, etc.).

What ALL of them have told me is that the second they hit the point of no return, they regretted it and have said to their loved ones:

“NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!! I did this. Nothing you could have said or done would have changed the outcome. Please don’t remember me by making my room, or my stuff into a place where time has stopped, thinking that if you get rid of my stuff or turn my room into a much-needed den, sewing room, or guest room, that you have betrayed my memory in some way. Please spend time with my brothers and sisters because they are suffering too and need you more than ever. Please don’t drink yourself to death. Please remember me the way that I was before this happened. I AM OK.” One guy that I read kept saying I’m so sorry over, and over, and over again, like he couldn’t say it enough times.

From what I’ve heard from those who have transitioned to the other side, they start to realize all of the ramifications of their actions, how it destroyed their family and friends, how it gave the permission or courage to another person to take their own life too, how their loved ones couldn’t cope and started using, drinking or engaging in high-risk behaviors or killing themselves, as well. They also realized that taking their own life only made things worse. They wanted me to tell you that they want you to live a happy, productive, fun life. They want you to thrive. They want you to remember the happy times that you both shared. They want to remind you that you were a great parent, sibling, friend, or lover. I love you. Please forgive me for hurting you so much. I don’t like seeing that you’ve turned the house into a mausoleum. And please, for God’s sake, get rid of my stuff and give it to someone who can really use it.

This is not to say that if you see someone who is taking a loss of any kind: breakup, death of a loved one, including a pet, loss of a job or friend, being bullied, finding out about serious health issues, legal issues, or chronic financial issues, that we shouldn’t reach out. YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD! Most people won’t come out and say that they are thinking about suicide. Here are some common types of things that someone may be thinking about suicide:

Have you ever thought about what life would be like if you didn’t wake up tomorrow?

You’d be better off without me.

I can’t take it anymore.

What’s the point? It isn’t going to make a difference anyway.

Is mixing vodka and aspirin a lethal combination?

How many Tylenol/Vicodin/Oxy do you need to take to overdose?

It’s too late for me, but do you know someone who can help my wife?

Giving away prized possessions

Stockpiling ammunition or medications

Summit Stone, a local mental health facility, suggests saying something like these statements: “You know when people are as upset as you, they sometimes wish they were dead. I’m wondering if you’re feeling that way too.“

Have you wanted to stop living?

You look pretty miserable. Are you thinking about ending your life?

If they say, “Yes,” get help ASAP and stay with them until they get help by calling 911, talking with a crisis worker, calling a crisis line, or getting your family involved. Research shows that once people are asked if they are thinking about suicide they are feeling RELIEF, not distress because up until now they have been ALONE in this. By acknowledging their pain, they feel like they’ve been heard and that someone really cares about them so maybe there’s hope. In the Northern Front Range, Summit Stone is a great resource. https://www.summitstone.org/ 970.494.4200. You can also text HOME to 741741. Call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. The Lifeline provides 24-hour, confidential support to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Call 911 in life-threatening situations.

There are a couple of things to remember. You have made it through 100% of your bad days. You are very important to many people, even if you can’t see it now. I’ve seen the damage firsthand what it does to a family and a community when someone takes their own life. It may not feel like it now, but you may see that this struggle you’ve been having may be a huge blessing in disguise.

While anyone can practice the Clairs by themselves, sometimes it helps to practice with others like us.  I will run a Clairs Class at AIMS on Wednesdays from 5:30 to 7:00 on the Greeley Campus from April 3rd - May 8th, 2023. I will also be at the Belu Olisa 23rd Annual Spring Holistic Fair at the Ranch on March 9 & 10, 2024 from 10 am to 5 pm, both days.

I would love it if you would share your comments and experiences with the group - things that have worked for you, being supportive of others, being brave enough to share your personal experiences, and cheering each other on.

Until next time.

Leanne Psychic Medium

*Originally written in May 2019. Updated January 2024